Is it a girl or boy? Should you find out?

Its the question you will get most, “Is it a boy or girl?”. It is not only the most common question, it’s normally the first question people will ask you. Either that or inquiring when you’re due.

These days, with the wonderful technology available, it is relativity simple to find out your baby’s sex, they generally tell you around the 16 week mark, if not earlier if the baby has some obvious boy parts. But answering that question, “would you like to find out the sex?” is one that might take some consideration before answering. It’s such a personal decision, and you shouldn’t feel pressured by society to make a decision. That baby belongs to you and your partner, and it’s up to you to decide together. Make sure you talk about it and you’re both happy before you go into the appointment, otherwise there might be a really awkward argument in the consultation room.

For some people, there is no reason to think about it, they want to find out. And for others, they would like to wait for a surprise when the baby is born. The choice is yours, but I have compiled some pro’s of each that helped us decide, and might help you, or it might just humor you.

Pro’s of finding out: 

  • If planning is really important to you, this gives you plenty of time to prepare. You get to buy gender specific clothes, and decorate a special space for your baby.
  • You can mentally prepare yourself for a boy or girl. Some people need this kind of preparation, especially if you suffer from anxiety.
  • It can make it easier for the mother to bond with her baby in her womb. Establishing a bond is essential, as we are all at risk of post natal depression, and this might help a woman visualise her baby more easily.
  • Choosing a name is a bit easier as you don’t have to make two lists. Some people like to choose the name before the baby comes, so finding out the gender would be mandatory unless you chose a gender neutral name.
  • If you are having your second or third child, some parents find it useful to know so they can prepare their first born for the new baby.

Pro’s of not finding out:

  • It’s the best and most surprising surprise you will ever have.
  • What’s more important is growing and nurturing a healthy baby.
  • It’s more fun this way!
  • Sometimes, the people make mistakes and your baby comes out a different sex! This isn’t as common as it used to be, but ultrasounds are not perfect and neither are the trained eyes looking at them. I have heard of stories of people expecting a boy or girl, they buy everything with colours to match and later find out everything is in the wrong colour! So waiting until birth is the most accurate way to determine the sex of your baby.
  • Some women say it helps motivate them during labour. I get this, you keep pushing because you just want to know what it is.
  • If you don’t like having all blue things for boys, and all pink things for girls, then not finding out the gender fixes that problem If people don’t know what gender to buy for, they buy gender neutral colours and styles. Gender neutral colours are beautiful and you are more likely to have a wider range of colours as opposed to one single colour theme.
  • Lastly, it makes financial sense to not find out. If you’re planning on having another child or two at some stage, having gender neutral basics will make a huge difference, then you don’t have to buy a whole other wardrobe. Since babies grow out of their clothes so quickly, most of the clothes you have will still be in great condition for the next baby.

Steve and I took a good few days talking through things. From when we first got married I had always told him that if we had a baby, I wanted to keep it a surprise. And when I fell pregnant, I still felt the same. Although Steve had never really thought about it before, he initially asked me if we could find out but he soon realised that he didn’t really need to know, he didn’t mind if it was a boy or girl, he just wanted a healthy baby. And so we decided to wait. I am so excited this way, to me it’s so much more fun and I know it will motivate me to push the baby out. I also am not a fan of pink, or very blue things, I really like colours like grey, yellow, green, turquoise and navy. Doing it this way, encourages my friends and family to buy things in those colours. And I really appreciate finding ways to save money, and this is a great way to do so if we have another baby.

I would love to hear what you decided to do, and why you decided that, and what was your experience? And do you have anything else to add to the list of pro’s? Or if you have an feeling about what we are having, I would love to hear from you!


  1. Veronica Bettencourt

    14th Feb 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Love this! I’m not ready to have little ones yet but I’m soon the fence about wanting to know or not! ? I’m really excited for you and I wish you all the best!

    1. Kristin Hofmeyr

      14th Feb 2018 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks Veronica! Don’t worry, that’s not something you need to decide now, but generally whatever gives you the least stress is the best option. But that can sometimes be difficult when a couple each have a different opinion, so it’s good to have a few chats about it when the time comes 🙂

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